Category: Psychology

Engaging Students in Collaborative Research and Writing Through Positive Psychology, Student Wellness, and Generative AI Integration – Faculty Focus
Co-Authored By Aaliyah Lee-Raji, Amadis Canizales, Amaiya Peterson, Andrew Stillwell, Anessa Mayorga, Aniyah Campbell, A’niyah Leather, Anna Fleeman, Brookelyn Vivas, Cassandra Mathieu, Christian Bennett, Clio Chatelain, Daniel Abernethy, Fatoumata Sow, India Davis, Isabella Maiello, Jazmine Collins, Jennifer Sanchez-Martinez, Joseph Stauffer, Karlee Howard, Kaylee Japak, Keanell Tonny, Kristian Isom, Leonardo Pisa, Mackenzie Lemus, Maddox Wreski, Madelyn Beasley, and Saverio Consolazio

In higher education, one of the greatest challenges is getting students not only engaged in learning but also excited about research. An equally pressing issue is navigating the increasing role of artificial intelligence (AI) in the teaching and learning space. This semester, I aimed to tackle both by teaching a psychology of wellness class that integrated the principles of positive psychology with the use of AI tools. During the two-week module on positive psychology, I wanted students to experience research and writing as positive and engaging activities. I floated the idea of co-authoring an article on student wellness from their perspective, incorporating the responsible use of AI, fostering a passion for research, and ensuring that the process was enjoyable.

Here is how the project unfolded:

Day 1: Setting the Stage for Collaborative Writing

The project began by gauging student interest in co-authoring an article on student wellness. I asked those who wanted front-facing credit and authorship acknowledgment to text me their consent and indicate if they would be comfortable with their photo(s) being included. Importantly, students had the option to opt-out at any time if they felt uncomfortable with the direction of the article. I was fortunate because a large majority of the students showed a genuine interest in this assignment.

To kick off the project, I used ChatGPT to generate an outline based on positive psychology as aligned with the textbook chapters and student-led ideas and topics. The students were then divided into groups, where each group received a dedicated workspace in our learning management system, D2L. Each group selected a predetermined subtopic to focus on, and I tasked them with using ChatGPT to generate 20 ideas on that subtopic. From those 20 ideas, the groups narrowed it down to three, which they discussed in detail, considering both research-based and personal experiences. Each group member took notes to guide the next stage of the project.

Day 2: Mind Mapping and Cross-Pollination of Ideas

On the second day, students were given poster paper and markers to create mind maps of their ideas and help gain clarity on their discussions from the previous day. Each group placed their chosen topic at the center of the mind map and organized the associated ideas around it. The mind mapping exercise allowed students to visually connect their thoughts and discussions from day one.

One member from each group was nominated to circulate among the other groups, engaging in discussions about each team’s subsection of the article. This not only gave students a broader perspective on how their topics related to the overarching theme of student wellness but also facilitated the flow of information between teams. After gathering input from other teams, the group representative brought the new insights back to their original group, enhancing their understanding of their own topic and how it fit into the larger article. To ensure continuity, students took photos of their mind maps, which would later serve as guides for the writing process.

Day 3: Writing and Research Alignment

On the third day, each group was tasked with creating a document that contained a minimum of five references, with each group member responsible for contributing at least one reference. The document consisted of chunks of article drafts accompanied by their respective references. Students were asked to align these references with the ideas discussed during the earlier sessions and integrate them into their mind maps. Next, students took 15 minutes individually within a shared Google doc to write about their subsection, drawing from their mind maps and class discussions. This individual writing time allowed students to consolidate their thoughts and begin crafting their portion of the collaborative article.

Day 4: Ethical Use of AI in the Writing Process

The fourth day focused on ethical AI usage. We began with a discussion on how students had been using AI tools like ChatGPT and how they envisioned using any type of AI tools in the creation of this article. Together, we created an AI disclosure statement, agreeing on how AI would be used during the editing phase.

We explored specific AI prompts that could enhance their writing, including:
- “Rephrase for clarity.”
- “Organize this paragraph for the introduction, summary, or conclusion.”
- “Give me a starting sentence for this paragraph.”
These prompts were designed to guide students in using AI as a tool to enhance clarity and organization rather than relying on it to write the content.

Day 5: Final Writing and Cohesive Editing

On the final day, students returned to their group documents and spent 15 minutes revising their sections. Afterward, they worked together to co-edit the document without the use of AI, striving to make the article more cohesive and polished. Finally, we revisited the agreed-upon AI prompts, and students were given the option to use AI only when they felt it was necessary for tasks like rephrasing sentences or organizing paragraphs.

The project culminated in a completed article on student wellness, co-authored by students and enhanced by responsible AI usage. The collaborative process not only demystified research and writing but also empowered students to see these activities as positive, engaging, and enjoyable experiences.

Takeaways From This Teaching Experience

The AI writing project was a valuable learning experience for the students, as it incorporated individual and collaborative learning elements alongside technology-based approaches. Reflecting on this experience, I have identified several key takeaways to carry forward into the new semester of teaching and learning.
- The Importance of Throwback Learning Experience: Something Familiar
  Traditional tools like markers and poster boards remain essential in fostering cohesion, socialization, and competence-building. These activities encouraged students to engage in discussions and create visual representations of their ideas, which helped build their confidence and reinforce the collaborative process.
- Starting With Original Ideas Matters
  Students benefited from discussing their ideas within the context of originality before integrating AI-generated content. Generative AI poses a potential threat to originality, emphasizing the need for human thought, discussion, and creativity to provide a benchmark for comparing the quality and intentionality of AI contributions.
- Clear Parameters and Prompts Are Essential
  Defining the role of AI in the writing process was critical for success. Many students initially viewed AI as a tool for producing entire works. By discussing the parameters beforehand, it became clear that AI was to be used to supplement and enhance cohesion rather than replace the creative process.
- The Importance of Prompt Development
  Students gained a growing understanding of the importance of crafting effective prompts for AI. Recognizing how prompts influence AI outputs is a crucial skill that was previously underdeveloped in many students. Moving forward, this skill will be vital as they navigate the intersection of human creativity and AI assistance.
Final Thoughts

Developing effective AI prompts is a pivotal skill that empowers students to use AI intentionally and meaningfully in their learning. A well-crafted prompt acts as the foundation for generating accurate, relevant, and cohesive responses, highlighting the importance of clarity, specificity, and purpose in the initial instructions given to the AI. By understanding how to formulate prompts, students can better harness the potential of AI to support their ideas, enhance their creativity, and improve the quality of their work without relying on AI to replace their original contributions.

This skill also encourages critical thinking, as students must evaluate the type of input needed to achieve a desired outcome, troubleshoot issues in responses, and refine their prompts for better results. Moreover, it aligns with the broader need for digital literacy in education, preparing students to interact responsibly and effectively with technology in academic, professional, and personal contexts.

Lastly, incorporating intentional AI use into teaching strategies ensures that students not only learn how to use these tools but also understand their limitations and ethical considerations. By balancing traditional methods, which foster originality and human connection, with innovative technologies like AI, educators can create a holistic learning environment that values both creativity and technological fluency. This balance will be crucial as AI continues to play an increasingly integral role in education and beyond.

Dr. Courtney Plotts’ students in class.

A snapshot of the students’ work.

Special Note of Pride: I would like to note that this group of students worked on this project during class and completed this while two natural disasters accrued, power outages, remote and in person learning and did a great job considering the circumstances. I am so proud of each of them! We originally had bigger visions for the project but due to weather we had to make some changes to the plan!

Freshman College Students’ Advice to Peers for Health & Wellness in 2025

The new year always comes with the possibility of change and growth. As students, much of our growth focus is academics and learning-based. Being academically successful isn’t an easy task. Student wellbeing is an important factor in the learning process (Frazier & Doyle-Fosco, 2024). And for most of us, throwing ourselves into our studies and homework can come with negative side effects like burnout, stress, and decreased mood and motivation. But being successful doesn’t have to come at the risk of your mental health. In our view, academic success means more than good grades and knowledge. Although you may have gone through something last year, or are still going through it now, it doesn’t have to affect you in a negative way. There is so much more that goes into being successful. Success requires dedication, consistency, self-care, and a positive mindset. But for many of us a positive mind set is hard to come by.

The Collective Obstacle

The average age of our class is 19.7 years of age. We have lived with social media all of our lives. A lot of voices have imparted information. Some good, some not so good. The negativity that is readily accessible on social media can lead to negative self-talk. “Negative self-talk refers to your inner voice making critical, negative, or punishing comments. These are the pessimistic, mean-spirited, or unfairly critical thoughts that go through your head when you are making judgements about yourself” (Scott, 2023). Negative self-talk can be detrimental to your psychological well-being. It can really bring you down after you do it for too long. Negative self-talk can also induce stress, depression, and relationship problems. How you can start to believe the negative self-talk: you can start to believe negative self-talk after a while of you doing it. The more you start to tell yourself you can’t do something, the more you’ll start to believe it.

The effects of positive self-talk are the opposite of negative self-talk. It will improve your mental health, can reduce stress, lessen depression, and improve relationships. This not only impacts academics, but other aspects of life. To minimize negative self-talk, you can catch your inner critic when it’s happening and change your thinking to think more positive thoughts, remember that thoughts are not facts, contain your negativity, shift your perspective, think like a friend, or other trusted advisors.

Two Positive Ideas to Embrace in 2025

Two ideas to embrace in the new year that can jumpstart your positivity are evaluating how you think about failure and the control of your future. Failure is an inevitable part of life, but it is through our setbacks that we find opportunities for growth and success. How we respond to failure matters more than the failure itself, and cultivating a mindset of optimism is key to overcoming challenges (Hilppö & Stevens, 2020). Optimism, combined with grit—the perseverance and passion to achieve long-term goals—forms the foundation for a positive and resilient lifestyle. Together, these qualities enable us to turn obstacles into stepping stones and approach life’s difficulties with determination and hope. Think of failures as learning opportunities. Think about the knowledge you gain from hindsight when thinking about failure.

Additionally, understanding the distinction between what we can and cannot control is crucial for maintaining positivity and health (Pourhoseinzadeh, Gheibizadeh,& Moradikalboland, Cheraghian, 2017). Accepting that not everything is within our power allows us to shift our focus to areas where we can make a difference and grow from the experience. Remaining positive during challenging situations and remembering the aspects we can influence help us navigate adversity with a constructive mindset. It’s also important to respect that some factors are beyond our control and may happen for reasons we do not yet understand. By seeking to understand why certain things are outside our control, we can cultivate acceptance and use these moments as opportunities for reflection and personal growth.

The Importance of Health Communication in 2025

Healthy communication is critical to positive personal growth. Asking open-ended questions is important when engaging in meaningful communication because it ensures that there are no assumptions being made. One researcher found that assumptions “lead to consistent and unnecessary community failures” (Macrae, 2018, p.5). Additionally, healthy communication can build true connections among people and better understanding. Also, avoiding assumptions is a way to stay present in the moment allowing you to determine if there is genuine interest in the conversation. Most importantly, health aspects of communication like listening, reflecting, and pausing encourage new thinking and can develop new ideas just about anything.

In addition to healthy communication, think about sharing more of your experiences with peers. Starting from a place of curiosity and health, inquire about someone’s well-being. You can start with a simple phrase like “Are you ok?” Or be ready and willing to share your own personal experience when the time is right. Not only can this help someone else but sharing your story can also help you process what you have been through. Sharing and listening to each other’s experiences can show understanding and help you feel more willing to share now and in the future. Understanding and being present is a power combination for communication.

Lastly, remember that relationships are complex. Whether parental, academic, or personal, everyone has their relationships challenges. One tactic to strengthen relationships is humor. Remember to laugh and enjoy life and the people around you. Most people forget about light heartedness and humor, and how humor can help strengthen and resolve issues within a relationship. Humor can improve the quality of relationships by reducing the stress, tension, and anxiety of the people within the relationship. This effect can only occur if humor is used respectfully in relationships. When used right, humor also can create a more comfortable relationship with less anxiety and sadness for those in it. It’s ok to laugh—even in challenging times.

Summary

A positive mindset is the root of achieving any goal you put your mind to. As a collective voice, we hope the information we shared is valuable information. Our goal was to share meaningful information for your new year and new journey in 2025. As students, we fully understand the importance of mental health, especially because all of us experienced covid at some of the most challenging times of our lives. We hope this information helps you in the new year as much as it helped us learn and grow. Remember to stay happy, healthy, and safe in the new year and think positive!

Dr. Courtney Plotts is a Dynamic Keynote Speaker, Author, and Professor. Dr. Plotts is the National Chair of the Council For At-Risk Student Education and Professional Standards, the country’s only organization that provides standards for working with marginalized and nontraditional students in Kindergarten to College. Her role as National Chair includes training, consulting, and research. Her subject matter expertise has been used in a variety of book publications. Most recently “Small Teaching Online” By Flower Darby with James M. Lang published in June 2019. Dr. Plotts was recognized in 2017 by the California State Legislature for a bold commitment to change in education. She is currently in talks with higher education institutions to launch an institute that focuses on diversity and best practices in online teaching spaces to launch in 2021.

References

Frazier, T., & Doyle Fosco, S. L. (2024). Nurturing positive mental health and wellbeing in educational settings – the PRICES model. Frontiers in public health, 11, 1287532. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpubh.2023.12875

Hilppö, J., & Stevens, R. (2020). “Failure is just another try”: Re-framing failure in school through the FUSE studio approach. International Journal of Educational Research, 99, 101494. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijer.2019.101494

Macrae, C. (2018). When no news is bad news: Communication failures and the hidden assumptions that threaten safety. Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine, 111(1), 5–7. https://doi.org/10.1177/0141076817738503

Pourhoseinzadeh, M., Gheibizadeh, M., & Moradikalboland, M., Cheraghian, B. (2017). The Relationship between Health Locus of Control and Health Behaviors in Emergency Medicine Personnel. International journal of community based nursing and midwifery, 5(4), 397–407.

Scott, E. (2023, November 22). The toxic effects of negative self-talk. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-self-talk-and-how-it-affects-us-4161304
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February 24, 2025
15 Green Flags in a Relationship (2024)

Finding a meaningful and lasting relationship can be challenging, but there are positive signs that show you’ve found someone special. While red flags often get the most attention, green flags are just as important in recognizing a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

These are the reassuring traits and behaviors that indicate your partner is a great fit for you. In this article, we’ll explore 15 green flags that suggest you’ve found “The One.”

Green Flags you’ve Found the One

15. They Communicate Openly and Honestly

Example: “They always tell me how they feel, even when it’s difficult.”

Explanation: Open and honest communication is a key foundation for a strong relationship. It ensures that both partners are able to express themselves freely and work through challenges together. When someone communicates openly, it builds trust and creates a safe space for vulnerability, preventing misunderstandings and fostering deeper emotional connection.

14. They Respect Your Boundaries

Example: “When I say I need alone time, they understand and don’t pressure me.”

Explanation: Respecting boundaries shows that your partner values your personal space and autonomy. It indicates that they are attentive to your needs and willing to honor them without making you feel guilty. Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining individuality and fostering mutual respect in a relationship.

13. They Support Your Personal Growth

Example: “They encourage me to pursue new opportunities and support my ambitions.”

Explanation: A partner who supports your personal growth shows that they want you to succeed and flourish as an individual. This means they aren’t threatened by your success, but instead celebrate it. When both partners are encouraged to grow, it strengthens the relationship by fostering a sense of mutual development and fulfillment.

12. They Share Similar Values

Example: “We both believe in honesty, family, and hard work.”

Explanation: Having shared values is a strong indicator of long-term compatibility. While differences in personality and interests can add variety to a relationship, shared core values ensure that both partners are aligned on the important things in life. This alignment creates a strong foundation for navigating life’s challenges together.

11. They Make You Feel Appreciated

Example: “They regularly thank me for the little things I do.”

Explanation: Feeling appreciated in a relationship is crucial for maintaining a positive dynamic. When your partner shows gratitude, it reinforces that they notice your efforts and value your presence. This consistent acknowledgment helps strengthen emotional bonds and fosters a sense of mutual respect and care.

10. They Listen Actively

Example: “When I talk, they really pay attention and engage with what I’m saying.”

Explanation: Active listening shows that your partner is genuinely interested in your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It goes beyond hearing words; they ask questions, offer feedback, and validate your emotions. This level of engagement is a clear sign of emotional investment and care in the relationship.

9. They Are Dependable and Reliable

Example: “I know I can count on them to be there when I need them.”

Explanation: Being able to depend on your partner is key to building trust. When someone is reliable, they follow through on their promises and consistently show up for you in meaningful ways. This dependability provides emotional security and reinforces that you can rely on them during both good times and bad.

8. They Respect Your Opinions

Example: “Even when we disagree, they take the time to understand my point of view.”

Explanation: Respecting your opinions, even when they differ, is a sign of a mature and balanced relationship. It shows that your partner values you as an individual and is open to seeing things from different perspectives. This mutual respect helps maintain harmony and ensures that both partners feel heard and validated.

7. They Share Responsibilities Equally

Example: “We both contribute to household chores and decision-making.”

Explanation: Sharing responsibilities equally demonstrates that your partner sees you as an equal and values fairness in the relationship. Whether it’s household duties, emotional labor, or decision-making, a balanced distribution of responsibilities ensures that neither partner feels overburdened or taken for granted. This creates a sense of teamwork and mutual respect.

6. They Make You Laugh

Example: “We can joke around together, and they always know how to lighten my mood.”

Explanation: Laughter is a powerful tool for building connection and reducing stress. A partner who can make you laugh not only adds joy to your life but also strengthens the emotional bond between you. Sharing moments of humor creates a lighthearted atmosphere in the relationship, helping to navigate challenges with positivity.

5. They Prioritize Time with You

Example: “Even with their busy schedule, they make sure we spend quality time together.”

Explanation: When your partner makes time for you, it shows that they value the relationship and are committed to nurturing it. Prioritizing quality time, whether it’s through shared activities or simple moments together, reinforces the emotional connection and ensures that the relationship remains a top priority amidst other life demands.

4. They Are Emotionally Available

Example: “They’re always open to talking about feelings and don’t shy away from tough conversations.”

Explanation: Emotional availability is a crucial element in a healthy relationship. A partner who is willing to share their feelings and listen to yours fosters an environment of trust and intimacy. This openness strengthens the emotional bond, ensuring that both partners feel supported and understood during both good and challenging times.

3. They Have Healthy Relationships with Others

Example: “They maintain strong, positive relationships with their friends and family.”

Explanation: Observing how your partner interacts with others can be a good indicator of their relationship skills. If they maintain healthy, respectful relationships with friends, family, or colleagues, it often reflects their ability to nurture a positive dynamic with you as well. These strong connections suggest that they understand the value of trust, respect, and communication in all relationships.

2. They Accept You for Who You Are

Example: “I never feel like I have to pretend or change myself around them.”

Explanation: Feeling accepted for who you are is one of the most important green flags in a relationship. When your partner embraces your authentic self, including your quirks, flaws, and strengths, it builds a foundation of unconditional love and acceptance. This sense of security allows you to be vulnerable and fosters a deeper emotional connection.

1. They Envision a Future with You

Example: “We talk about our future plans together, and they include me in their long-term goals.”

Explanation: A partner who talks about the future with you in mind is clearly invested in the relationship. Whether it’s discussing career goals, living arrangements, or starting a family, including you in their plans shows that they see you as a long-term partner. This commitment is a strong indicator that they are serious about building a life together.

What about Red Flags?

Okay, so those are our green flags. But what are the red flags you need to look out for early in a relationship? Well, I show you the red flags in this article next.

Dr. Chris Drew is the founder of the Helpful Professor. He holds a PhD in education and has published over 20 articles in scholarly journals. He is the former editor of the Journal of Learning Development in Higher Education. [Image Descriptor: Photo of Chris]

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August 19, 2024
15 Signs you’re Burnt Out, Not Lazy (2024)
Burnout and laziness can often feel similar, but they are very different experiences.
- Burnout stems from prolonged stress and exhaustion, leaving you feeling emotionally, mentally, and physically drained.
- Laziness is more about a lack of motivation or desire to engage in tasks.
In this article, we’ll explore key signs that indicate you’re experiencing burnout, not laziness, and why recognizing the difference is important for your well-being.

Signs you’re Burnt Out, Not Lazy

1. Constant Fatigue

Example: “No matter how much sleep I get, I always wake up feeling exhausted.”

Explanation: Burnout often manifests as a deep, persistent fatigue that doesn’t go away, even after resting. This isn’t the same as being tired from a busy day; it’s a physical and emotional exhaustion that lingers, making it difficult to engage in daily tasks. Unlike laziness, where motivation might be lacking, this fatigue feels more like an inability to regain energy, no matter how hard you try.

2. Difficulty Concentrating

Example: “I can’t focus on anything for more than a few minutes, even when I want to.”

Explanation: Burnout impacts cognitive function, making it hard to focus or stay on task. Unlike laziness, which is often a lack of desire to start something, burnout leads to an inability to concentrate even when there’s a strong desire to complete a task. This mental fog can make even simple activities feel overwhelming and lead to frustration over not being able to perform at your usual level.

3. Lack of Motivation for Tasks You Once Enjoyed

Example: “I used to love drawing, but now it just feels like another chore.”

Explanation: Burnout saps joy from activities you once found fulfilling, leaving you feeling disconnected from your passions. This is different from laziness, where there’s a temporary lack of interest; burnout makes once-enjoyable tasks feel exhausting or even pointless. This loss of enthusiasm is often a sign that emotional and mental resources are depleted, not a reflection of laziness.

4. Increased Irritability

Example: “Little things that never used to bother me are making me snap at everyone.”

Explanation: When burnt out, small irritations that you would normally brush off suddenly feel overwhelming. This heightened sensitivity to stress is not laziness, but a sign that you’re emotionally and mentally overtaxed. The inability to manage these emotions can lead to frustration and anger, which can further perpetuate feelings of burnout and guilt.

5. Emotional Numbness

Example: “I just don’t feel anything anymore. Even things that used to excite me feel flat.”

Explanation: Emotional numbness is a common sign of burnout, where you become detached from your feelings and experiences. This is different from laziness, which is more about avoiding tasks due to a lack of motivation. Emotional numbness indicates a deep sense of exhaustion and a defense mechanism against overwhelming stress, leaving you unable to connect with others or even yourself.

6. Feeling Overwhelmed by Simple Tasks

Example: “Filling out a simple form feels like climbing a mountain.”

Explanation: Burnout can make even the smallest tasks seem insurmountable. This is different from laziness, where you might just avoid tasks because they feel like a hassle. When you’re burnt out, the emotional and mental resources needed to complete even routine tasks are depleted, making everything feel overwhelming and anxiety-inducing.

7. Physical Symptoms

Example: “I keep getting headaches and stomachaches, but I’m not sick.”

Explanation: Burnout doesn’t just affect your mental and emotional health; it can also manifest in physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or muscle tension. These aren’t excuses to avoid tasks (as laziness might be perceived), but genuine physical reactions to prolonged stress and emotional strain. Ignoring these symptoms can worsen the burnout and lead to more serious health issues.

8. Decreased Productivity

Example: “I sit at my desk for hours, but I get nothing done.”

Explanation: Burnout often leads to a noticeable drop in productivity, where you spend hours trying to work but can’t seem to make any progress. This is different from laziness, which is more about not wanting to start; burnout is about wanting to work but feeling incapable of actually getting things done. This inability to be productive despite your efforts can lead to frustration, guilt, and further exhaustion.

9. Avoiding Social Interactions

Example: “I just don’t have the energy to hang out with my friends anymore.”

Explanation: Burnout can make you withdraw from social activities that you used to enjoy, not because you don’t want to see people, but because you simply don’t have the emotional or physical energy for it. Unlike laziness, where avoidance might be due to a lack of interest, this withdrawal stems from feeling drained and overwhelmed. Over time, this can lead to isolation and further feelings of burnout.

10. Feeling Cynical or Negative

Example: “What’s the point of trying? Nothing ever works out anyway.”

Explanation: Burnout often brings a sense of cynicism and negativity, where everything feels pointless and you struggle to see the value in what you’re doing. This isn’t a sign of laziness, but a sign that your mental and emotional reserves are tapped out, leading to pessimism. The persistent negative outlook can further perpetuate burnout, making it harder to find motivation and hope for the future.

11. Sleep Problems

Example: “I’m either sleeping way too much or can’t sleep at all.”

Explanation: Sleep disturbances are a common symptom of burnout, whether you find yourself sleeping excessively but still feeling tired, or struggling with insomnia. This differs from laziness, where sleep might be used as an escape; with burnout, sleep is disrupted due to stress, anxiety, or an inability to recharge properly. These sleep issues can create a vicious cycle, worsening the feelings of exhaustion and burnout.

12. Feeling Detached from Your Work

Example: “I used to care about my job, but now I’m just going through the motions.”

Explanation: Burnout often makes you feel disconnected from your work or responsibilities, as though you’re just doing the bare minimum to get by without any sense of fulfillment. This isn’t laziness, but rather a response to prolonged stress and emotional depletion, where you no longer feel engaged or passionate about what you’re doing. This detachment can make it difficult to find meaning in your work and further contribute to burnout.

13. Inability to Recharge

Example: “Even after a day off or a vacation, I still feel just as exhausted.”

Explanation: Burnout often leaves you feeling unable to recover, no matter how much rest or relaxation you get. Unlike laziness, which might improve with rest, burnout keeps you feeling depleted even after taking breaks. This inability to recharge indicates that the emotional and mental exhaustion runs deeper, requiring more than just physical rest to heal.

14. Loss of Self-Confidence

Example: “I used to be good at my job, but now I doubt every decision I make.”

Explanation: Burnout erodes your self-confidence, making you question your abilities and feel incompetent, even in areas where you used to excel. This isn’t laziness, where the issue is a lack of effort; it’s a deep-seated sense of inadequacy that comes from prolonged stress. As burnout progresses, it becomes harder to trust yourself, which only compounds feelings of failure and exhaustion.

15. Emotional Exhaustion

Example: “I don’t have the energy to care about anything anymore.”

Explanation: Emotional exhaustion is a key indicator of burnout, where you feel completely drained and incapable of dealing with any more stress or emotional demands. This goes beyond laziness, which is more about a lack of motivation. Emotional exhaustion reflects a deeper level of depletion, where you’ve given all you have and have nothing left to give, affecting all areas of your life.

Dr. Chris Drew is the founder of the Helpful Professor. He holds a PhD in education and has published over 20 articles in scholarly journals. He is the former editor of the Journal of Learning Development in Higher Education. [Image Descriptor: Photo of Chris]
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August 19, 2024
15 Toxic Things Parents Say to their Children (2024)

Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children’s self-esteem and emotional well-being. However, certain words and behaviors can unintentionally cause harm, leading to long-lasting emotional damage.

Toxic remarks or actions, whether intentional or not, can make children feel unworthy, insecure, or neglected.

In this article, we’ll explore specific examples of harmful things parents might say or do and how these behaviors can negatively impact a child’s development.

Toxic Things Parents Say to their Children

1. Dismissing Accomplishments

Example: “Oh, you got a B? That’s not impressive, anyone can do that.”

Explanation: Dismissing a child’s achievements, no matter how small, invalidates their efforts and can make them feel like nothing they do is ever good enough. This constant dismissal leads to a lack of motivation and self-confidence, as the child internalizes that their hard work or success will never be acknowledged or appreciated by those they seek validation from the most.

2. Playing Favorites

Example: “Your sister is my favorite because she never gives me trouble like you do.”

Explanation: Playing favorites creates rivalry and animosity between siblings and fosters resentment in the child who feels less loved. This favoritism can lead to long-lasting emotional scars, causing the unfavored child to constantly seek approval or attention in unhealthy ways. It erodes trust and connection in the parent-child relationship, as the child feels unworthy of their parent’s affection.

3. Undermining Confidence

Example: “You’ll never be able to do that. Why even try?”

Explanation: Telling a child they aren’t capable of something kills their confidence and discourages them from trying new things. This type of remark plants seeds of self-doubt, making the child feel incompetent or inferior. Over time, the child may start to believe that they aren’t capable of success, leading to low self-esteem and a fear of failure.

4. Public Shaming

Example: “Why can’t you act right? You’re embarrassing me in front of everyone!”

Explanation: Publicly shaming a child humiliates them and damages their sense of self-worth. It turns the focus from correcting behavior to making the child feel ashamed of who they are, especially when it happens in front of others. This approach not only harms their self-esteem but also teaches them that mistakes are something to hide, rather than opportunities to learn and grow.

5. Threatening Abandonment

Example: “If you don’t behave, I’ll just leave you here.”

Explanation: Threatening to abandon a child, even in jest, can create deep fears of abandonment and insecurity. It undermines the child’s trust in their parents and can cause long-lasting emotional trauma. Children rely on their parents for safety and security, and threatening to remove that support can lead to anxiety and a fear of being unloved or unwanted.

6. Silent Treatment

Example: Ignoring the child for days after they’ve done something wrong.

Explanation: The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation and punishment that isolates the child, leaving them to feel abandoned and confused. Instead of resolving conflict in a healthy way, this behavior teaches the child that love and attention are conditional. It can create anxiety, a fear of confrontation, and a deep sense of insecurity in their relationship with their parents.

7. Critiquing everyday Actions

Example: “Why are you always so lazy? Don’t you care about anything?”

Explanation: This type of question is designed to provoke shame rather than address the behavior. It paints the child as inherently flawed instead of focusing on the specific issue. This can lead to feelings of guilt, frustration, and confusion about their identity, as the child is made to feel their actions are linked to their worth as a person.

8. Commenting Negatively about Their Appearance

Example: “You’d be so much prettier if you lost some weight.”

Explanation: Comments like this damage a child’s self-esteem and body image, making them feel inadequate. Constant criticism of appearance can lead to long-term issues like body dysmorphia, eating disorders, and self-worth problems. Children begin to internalize that their value is tied to their looks, rather than who they are.

9. Unhealthy Comparisons

Example: “Why can’t you be more like your brother? He always gets good grades.”

Explanation: Comparing a child to a sibling or peer can cause resentment, insecurity, and a constant feeling of inadequacy. This type of remark fosters competition rather than support, leaving the child feeling that no matter what they do, they will never measure up. Over time, it can damage self-esteem and create unnecessary tension within the family dynamic.

10. Overreacting to Mistakes

Example: “I can’t believe you did that! You’ve ruined everything!”

Explanation: Overreacting to a child’s mistake makes them feel like their errors define them and are unforgivable. This kind of extreme response can cause the child to fear failure or mistakes, leading them to become overly cautious or anxious. It also discourages them from taking risks or trying new things, as they begin to associate making mistakes with extreme disappointment and anger from their parents.

11. Empty Promises

Example: “I’ll take you to the park this weekend, I promise,” but it never happens.

Explanation: When parents repeatedly make promises they don’t keep, it breaks trust and makes the child feel unimportant. This can lead to disillusionment, where the child stops believing in what their parent says. Over time, the child might become less emotionally attached or stop relying on the parent, leading to feelings of betrayal and disappointment.

12. Refusing to Apologize

Example: “I’m the parent, I don’t have to say sorry to you.”

Explanation: When parents refuse to apologize, they teach children that accountability and taking responsibility for mistakes is unnecessary, especially if you’re in a position of power. This can erode trust and respect between the parent and child, as the child may feel that their feelings are invalid. Apologizing models humility and empathy, and without it, children may grow up with a distorted view of conflict resolution and respect.

13. Making Jokes at the Child’s Expense

Example: “You’re such a klutz, no wonder you can’t do anything right.”

Explanation: Joking at a child’s expense under the guise of humor can feel like betrayal, especially if the parent downplays their emotions by saying, “It’s just a joke.” These remarks hurt because they often highlight insecurities or flaws the child is already self-conscious about. Over time, this behavior can cause deep emotional wounds and lead the child to doubt their abilities, even when meant in a lighthearted way.

14. Selfish Commentary

Example: “I wish I never had kids. My life would’ve been so much better.”

Explanation: This statement makes the child feel like an unwanted burden and deeply impacts their emotional security. When a parent expresses regret over having children, it communicates that the child is the root cause of their unhappiness. This can lead to feelings of rejection, unworthiness, and emotional neglect.

15. Making the Child Feel Like a Burden

Example: “You’re such a hassle. I can’t do anything because of you.”

Explanation: Statements like this frame the child as an obstacle to their parent’s happiness or freedom. It fosters guilt and self-blame, making the child feel like they are in the way or a nuisance. Over time, this can erode their sense of belonging and make them believe they are undeserving of love and care.

Dr. Chris Drew is the founder of the Helpful Professor. He holds a PhD in education and has published over 20 articles in scholarly journals. He is the former editor of the Journal of Learning Development in Higher Education. [Image Descriptor: Photo of Chris]

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August 19, 2024
15 Red Flags Early in a Relationship (2024)

So you go out on a first date, then, a second, then a third. And this person seems perfect – maybe even too perfect. There’s a good chance they’re just perfect for you. But there’s also a chance there’s something you’re missing. So let’s explore some potential red flags for the date that just seems that little bit TOO perfect.

Red Flags in a Relationship

15. They’re overly charismatic.

Example: “Whenever we’re out, they always seem to charm everyone, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s all just an act.”

Excessive charm can mask a person’s real intentions. While it’s easy to be captivated by someone who always seems to say the right thing, this charm may be a distraction from deeper issues like dishonesty or manipulation. Charismatic individuals may use their likability to avoid accountability or prevent you from noticing problematic behavior. It’s crucial to assess if the charm is genuine or simply a tool for control.

14. Lack of depth in conversations.

Example: “Every time I try to talk about something meaningful, they quickly change the subject to something light and superficial.”

Surface-level conversations are common when you’re just getting to know someone, but if they consistently avoid deeper topics, it could signal emotional unavailability. If they steer clear of meaningful discussions about emotions, values, or future plans, it may indicate that they’re not interested in building a true connection. This lack of depth may prevent the relationship from growing and leave you feeling emotionally unfulfilled.

13. Inconsistent stories.

Example: “Last week they said they grew up in the city, but now they’re talking about how much they loved growing up on a farm.”

If someone’s stories frequently change or they struggle to remember details about past experiences, it can be a sign that they’re fabricating or embellishing parts of their life. These inconsistencies could point to dishonesty or manipulation, as they may be trying to create an image of themselves that isn’t real. Pay attention to whether their stories align with what they’ve previously said or if there are glaring contradictions.

12. They’re overly agreeable.

Example: “No matter what I suggest, they always say ‘yes,’ but I’m starting to wonder if they have any opinions of their own.”

While it can feel nice when someone agrees with you, constant agreement could indicate that they are trying too hard to gain your approval or avoid conflict. People who always go along with whatever you say might lack their own sense of self or be hiding their true thoughts and feelings. Disagreements are natural in any healthy relationship, and someone with genuine opinions won’t always mirror yours.

11. They avoid personal questions.

Example: “Whenever I ask about their family or past, they dodge the question or give vague answers.”

Deflecting or avoiding personal questions, especially about their past, can be a major red flag. This type of behavior might suggest that they are hiding something significant, such as past mistakes or unresolved issues. Open communication is essential in building trust, and someone who refuses to share basic details about their life may not be ready for a genuine connection.

10. They’re too quick to commit.

Example: “After just two weeks of dating, they were already talking about moving in together and planning a future.”

If someone pushes for a serious relationship too quickly, it can feel flattering at first but often signals deeper issues. Fast-tracking commitment can be a strategy to secure control or trust before you’ve had the chance to truly know each other. Healthy relationships take time to develop; rushing can prevent you from noticing potential red flags or from establishing a solid foundation based on mutual understanding.

9. Excessive flattery.

Example: “They constantly tell me how amazing I am, but sometimes it feels like they’re just trying to win me over too quickly.”

Compliments are nice, but when someone showers you with praise all the time, it can feel insincere or overwhelming. Excessive flattery is sometimes used to lower your defenses and make you more trusting before they reveal less favorable aspects of their personality. Be cautious if the flattery feels more like a manipulation tactic than genuine admiration, especially if it’s aimed at gaining your trust too quickly.

8. They’re too smooth or polished.

Example: “Everything they say and do seems rehearsed, like they’re performing rather than being real with me.”

Someone who always appears perfect or seems too polished in their behavior may be putting on a facade. While it’s natural to want to make a good first impression, perpetual perfection is unsustainable and often hides flaws or insecurities. Authentic people are willing to show their vulnerable side, make mistakes, and be real, whereas overly smooth individuals may be masking their true selves.

7. Lack of close long-term relationships.

Example: “When I asked about their friends, they mentioned a lot of acquaintances, but no one they’ve known for more than a year.”

If someone doesn’t have any close, long-standing friendships, it may indicate that they struggle with maintaining meaningful relationships. People with a pattern of brief or superficial connections might have trouble being vulnerable, resolving conflicts, or showing empathy. Healthy relationships, both romantic and platonic, are built on trust, respect, and longevity—lack of such relationships could be a red flag.

6. They’re secretive about their life.

Example: “They never tell me where they’ve been or what they’re doing, and their phone is always off limits.”

Secrecy is often a sign of deception or withholding information. If they are vague about their daily activities, background, or who they spend time with, it could mean they’re hiding important aspects of their life from you. Open and transparent communication builds trust, and someone who keeps too much of their life hidden may be protecting a side of themselves they don’t want you to know about.

5. They’re always the victim.

Example: “Every story they tell about past relationships ends with how they were wronged, and never what they might have done wrong.”

When someone consistently portrays themselves as the victim in past relationships or other life situations, it might suggest they have trouble taking responsibility for their actions. While it’s natural to encounter hardships, if they blame everyone else for their problems without acknowledging their own role, it could indicate a pattern of deflection and lack of accountability. Look for balance in their stories, where they own up to their mistakes.

4. They tell unrealistic life stories.

Example: “They claim to have met celebrities and traveled the world, but a lot of the details just don’t add up.”

Stories that seem exaggerated or too good to be true can be a red flag. People who feel the need to embellish their experiences may be insecure about their real selves or trying to craft a more appealing persona. Overly dramatic or fantastical accounts may suggest that they are not being truthful, and it’s important to gauge if their life stories match up with reality.

3. They have had a lot of sudden life changes.

Example: “They’ve switched jobs three times this year and recently moved cities without much explanation.”

While change is a natural part of life, frequent and abrupt shifts—such as changing jobs, moving homes, or cycling through friend groups—can indicate instability. Consistency in personal and professional life often reflects a level of responsibility and commitment. Sudden, unexplained changes could signal that they are running away from unresolved issues or struggling to maintain stability.

2. They’re reluctant to introduce you to others.

Example: “Despite dating for months, they still haven’t introduced me to any of their friends or family.”

If someone is hesitant to introduce you to their family, friends, or colleagues, it could indicate they are hiding you from parts of their life or that they’re not serious about the relationship. Being part of each other’s social circles is a natural progression in a healthy relationship, and reluctance to do so may suggest they have something to hide or aren’t fully committed.

1. They have perfectionist tendencies.

Example: “They expect everything to be flawless, from how the apartment is arranged to how I dress, and it’s starting to feel exhausting.”

Perfectionism can indicate underlying control issues or deep insecurities. If they hold themselves—and you—to impossibly high standards, it can lead to stress, frustration, and disappointment. No one is perfect, and striving for flawlessness can prevent authentic connection. Healthy relationships embrace imperfections and allow both partners to be human without fear of judgment.

What about Green Flags?

Okay, so those are our red flags. But what are the green flags showing you’ve found the one? Well, I show you the green flags to look out for in this article.

Dr. Chris Drew is the founder of the Helpful Professor. He holds a PhD in education and has published over 20 articles in scholarly journals. He is the former editor of the Journal of Learning Development in Higher Education. [Image Descriptor: Photo of Chris]

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August 19, 2024